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A New Year’s Letter From The Editors

Human sexuality is somewhere between badly broken and dead

(2.5 minute read)

A Happy New Year to all our readers and members!

46% of women prefer a good-night’s sleep to sex. 54.6% of women fake orgasm / men 16/4%.

If ever there was a New Year’s resolution that needs to be made and pursued by sexual partners, it is this:

I resolve to be the very best lover I can be. I promise to intimately understand your beautiful sexuality and your deepest sexual needs and fantasies and every sensuous wonder of your anatomy, and share with you my innermost sexual wants, needs, fantasies and secrets.

It’s a travesty

The dictionary defines travesty as: (noun), a farcical or grotesque imitation; a mockery; a parody.

If almost half (46%) of women prefer a good-night’s sleep to sex, our understanding of human sexuality is a travesty, “a farce or grotesque imitation” and “a mockery” of love, romance and sex – and we are not lovers, we’re mechanics.


Two words: Sexual ignorance.

Obviously, on the face of it, we mechanically know how to perform sexual intercourse but we have only a superficial knowledge of the unexplored wonders of sex, of the unrequited pleasures of the most common connection between men and women. Unfortunately, most of us are the embodiment of sexual ignorance and act out a role in our sexual lives that mimics the best in a Shakespearean parody, with all its tragic-comedic buffoonery. In fact, in most relationships, the loss of sexual pleasure is truly a story of “love’s labour’s lost.”

Everyday, 120 million acts of sexual intercourse take place around the world.

Despite the frequency of sex, we make little to no effort to better understand what we do and how we do it, nor focus on quality over quantity. We just do it. Because we can. Because we’re made to. Because it’s natural.

What is also natural is our immersion in sexual shame and embarrassment and our aversion to learning how to break free of the shame and mockery.

Sexual embarrassment is a social, cultural, religious phenomenon that has imbued us with centuries of insecurity, shrouded us in a blanket of dogma, dishonesty and denial. It’s shameful. We’re still stuck in emotional adolescence, unable to let go of sexual hang ups and clinging to a fake, polyester security blanket that has been passed down across generations. We are smothering our natural desires and living “a grotesque imitation” of human sexuality.

Sexual topics people are not completely honest about: Sexual fantasies: Women 40.9% / Men 45.2%.

One would assume that overcoming ignorance is reasonably easy. Be an autodidact. Become knowledgeable. Learn more. Read more. Practice more.

But reading isn’t the barrier. The blockage is admitting you’re sexually ignorant.

Of course, if you are no more sexually illiterate than the vast majority of the population – including your partner – then what’s to admit? You are either ‘getting off’ or getting a good-night’s sleep, either way, it’s all you know. Someone once said, “ignorance is bliss” and George Orwell in his novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four said, “Ignorance is strength.” Either way, it’s a dark place to hide and perpetuate the root cause of dissatisfaction in your sexual life.

65 million people read Fifty Shades of Grey and 80 million people visit PornHub, everyday.

The interest, desire and human need for carnal knowledge is innate and hundreds-of-millions of ‘normal’ people pursue it everyday – secretly, privately, alone – while never sharing their desires, admitting their ignorance, or having an honest conversation with their partners. That’s not a partnership, it’s a fragile ship being tossed hither and yon on the sea of life with two sexual recluses onboard, navigating life in sexual denial.

“I am sexually ignorant.”

Think of the potential. Think of the possibilities. Imagine the promise of love, romance, pleasure and fulfillment that can be achieved by being more knowledgeable. As in the problem of alcoholism, the first step is admittance: “I am sexually ignorant.” After that it’s straightforward. Not easy, but straightforward. Become a sexual autodidact.

Read. Learn. Share. Practice … together!

If you are in a loving, sexual relationship, what could be more important if you want to be a true lover?

Resolve: To be the very best lover you can be. To intimately understand your partner’s beautiful sexuality and deepest sexual needs and fantasies, and every sensuous wonder of his or her anatomy, and to share your own innermost sexual wants, needs, fantasies and secrets.

Happy New Year and may 2020 be your best year yet for sexual discovery!

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