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Sex by The School of Life – Review

Great book. Great organization.

The School of Life is a UK based, global organization dedicated to “helping people lead more fulfilled lives,” which “begins with self-knowledge” (our italics because at Love & Sexcess it is one of our core beliefs as well). In the quest to understand ourselves, nothing is more important than understanding our sexual selves and this book is a great resource.

A quick review of the table of contents below tells you a lot. And here’s a short video (1:28) about The School of Life’s perspective:

The Sexual Delusion

The book addresses our sexual ignorance and the delusion that we actually think we know what we are doing. We don’t. And most relationships suffer from our denial, or at least fall short of creating wonderfully fulfilling sexual lives. And to think, all we have to do is gain more self-knowledge. Read. Books like this one – and so many more (see Love & Sexcess Bookstore and other book reviews) make for the best bedtime stories.

Rediscover your partner as a sexual being because he or she is a “creature of passion,” as consumed with secret desire as you. And one of the best ways to explore these desires is through frank communications, which can start with your very own private, ‘book-club-for-two’ discussion.

This book is like a handbook that you can pick and choose the topics and chapters that interest you most. It’s not only short and easy-to-read its narrative naturally leads to questions and discussions that open the door to more and more communications with your partner, which is one of the biggest, missing ingredients in a relationship.

Here’s the table of content:

Liberation and Non-Liberation
What This Book Is For
Our Sexual Desires
Keeping our Clothes
Outdoor Sex
Oral Sex
Anal Sex
The Gaze of Strangers
Rape Fantasies
Incest Fantasies
Age Play
The Love of Porn
Lesbian Fascination
What We Really Want Through Sex
Here’s a taste of what’s inside – to whet your appetite.
A few excerpts
  • Such elevated feelings of love are usually contrasted with lust. But really, lust and erotic excitement are for the most part just equally intense longings for communion that happen to be expressed via the body. The other person’s willingness to do the most intimate bodily things with us is the outward sign of their inward acceptance of who we are.
  • The desire for an affair isn’t a sign of evil; it is evidence that we are so engaged in the life of one’s partner that we no longer have the inner freedom to make love without self-consciousness or fear of dissolution. Then again, knowing what the fantasy really is may help us to prevent having to act on it.
  • So often we feel ashamed of our sexual desires because we suspect that they run against what it is normal for people to want. We can easily imagine that we are unusually filthy. We worry about being excited by things that (we assume) no one else likes. In our normal social encounters with other people we never get to see what they are turned on by. Others seem so sane and reasonable, much of the time. We feel alone with our freakish interests. Porn sends out the consoling message that we are, in fact, much more normal than we tend to think. It revises in a helpful direction the notion of what ‘normal’ actually means.
  • In oral sex, this face of ours is jammed up against someone’s vulva or pressing towards their testicles. In the light of everything we’ve learned and are, there are few things weirder to connect than a face and the sexual organs. [But …]

For the rest of the story, you will have to buy the book – well worth the investment! It’s a must-read, unless you want to stay stuck in delusional denial.

Unfortunately, the book is not available through the Love & Sexcess Bookstore (our supplier can’t source it) but it is at Amazon or Indigo/Chapters, which you can access from our site or the direct link below.
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