How the hell do you ‘spice it up’ …

if there is nothing to ‘spice up?”

Too many couples don’t know or bother to find out what’s going on behind the scenes in a dead bedroom. It could be trauma from a previous sex life of too many ‘hook ups” or parental induced shame or a childhood experience. Whatever it is, you have to discuss it. And that’s more than the over simplistic advise about “communicate more.” It’s fear. And it needs lots of discussion with your partner and lots of love from your partner.

“If someone is not feeling truly connected and loved by their partner, that can have an impact on the sex and being able to break the cycle.” – Courtney Howard, psychiatrist

We homo sapiens are emotionally fragile beings and we bury shame, trauma and other deeply painful experiences that stay with us throughout our life, and unless we dig deep and reveal them they can be ruinous, especially to our sex lives.

This article from Vice is a good kick-start to a conversation that could lead to a getting over a lot of assumptions and hidden realities.

A good partner will understand that shit happens, and that it’s not a letdown if a body doesn’t perform exactly as its owner intends.

Must-read book

One growing source of couples’ problems is today’s hook up culture, which is more ‘unhooked’ than most women – and men – really want in their long-term sex lives. Check out the book review of, Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose Both (available in the Love & Sexcess Bookstore – 20% off).

From Vice. Read more >>

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