The G-spot does NOT exist and …

Cosmopolitan says, “We’re sorry.” [for 38 years of perpetuating the lie].

Dr. Ruth says, “There is no such thing as a G-spot … Bravo to Cosmopolitan.”

Fake. Fake. Fake. Of all the “fakes,” a woman’s so-called G-spot is the most elusive, frustrating, non-existent part of her anatomy. So stop searching!

You can’t find what isn’t there, and never has been.

11% of women have avoided sex because they can’t find their G-spot.

It’s everywhere and nowhere

Published 1982; revised 2005. Available in Love & Sexcess bookstore (25% off)

Hell, doctors, scientists, pseudo-sexperts and most women, and men, have being looking for the G-spot … forever. Not just decades, for centuries. The search has been extensive, sometimes helpful, often fruitless, and too often damaging. And the “findings” and “fake news” have been everywhere, from Wikipedia and dictionaries to books and endless articles from medical journals, Women’s Health, Playboy, Cosmopolitan, et al. All wrong.

It’s everywhere and nowhere. Because it doesn’t exist.

And yet, it made big headlines and big inroads into the world’s bedrooms back in 1982 with the publishing of The G-spot and other discoveries about human sexuality – despite the folk lore, it became a New York Times bestseller.

Hindsight is worth a thousand orgasms, a million fake orgasms and a lot of serious pain and disappointment. Not to mention sexual failure and broken relationships. Recently, Cosmopolitan completed a study, fessed up and has written an excellent article to set the record straight. And hopefully start a conversation to help straighten out tens-of-millions of naive couples who are still on an unrequited quest for what’s not there.

This isn’t the first apologia triggered by G-spot research. Some pro, some con. Among the countless writings about orgasms, the G-spot often gets a mention, sometimes implying there is one, other times clarifying there’s no proof. Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are (see book review), only uses the term “G-spot” once in her book, and then only in reference to types of labels given to orgasms:

Despite the painstaking efforts of women’s magazines and even researchers to identify and label the various kinds of orgasms we could be having—G-spot orgasms, blended orgasms, uterine orgasms, vulval, and all the rest—there can be only one. (Like The Highlander.) There’s just the sudden release of sexual tension, generated in different ways. Anatomically, physiologically, even evolutionarily, it doesn’t make much sense to talk about kinds of orgasms based on what body parts are stimulated. – Come As You Are, Dr. Nagoski

It’s amazing how myths become accepted beliefs, despite evidence to the contrary.

• In 2006, a biopsy of women’s vaginas turned up nothing.
• In 2012, a group of doctors reviewed every single piece of known data on record and found no proof that the G-spot exists.
• In 2017, in the most recent and largest postmortem study to date done on 13 cadavers, researchers looked again: still nothing.

Big subject, big conspiracy, big disappointment, big discovery, big relief

How can one small, non-existent “spot” cause so much fervor? Well, it’s complicated. And it’s a problem because  the numbers don’t lie:

• 31% of women say their partner has gotten frustrated while searching for it.
• 44% of women have felt frustration, confusion, or anxiety while trying to locate their G-spot.

It’s probably a good idea to extend your reading on the G-spot beyond this Cosmo article. But it’s a good place to start. The seven minute read might help you and your partner get off the useless trek of unrequited frustration.

The fixation on the G-spot became, in hindsight, a conspiracy, the filling of a worldwide void – a woman’s unfulfilled sex life. Ironically, the early research, starting in the 17th century and up into the 20th century, was pursued by male scientists. BTW, the G-spot is named after a German gynecologist, Ernst Gräfenberg.

Could there have been a need for men to rationalize their endless failure to satisfy women, thereby, perpetrating a quest for liminal hope – something, anything, to help explain women’s complexity and men’s failure? Like the search for the Bigfoot or Loch Ness monster, the search has been driven by curiosity, intrigue, false beliefs, grants, money and … desperation.

“So, women, stop worrying about it. And all of the men [should] know that it has nothing to do with being a good lover because there is no scientifically validated data that there is such a thing.” – Dr. Ruth

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Dr. Ruth, the 91-year-old sex advisor, has had a lot of things right over the decades, none more important than her claim that “there’s no such thing [G-spot] unless I get scientifically validated data.” She has been steadfast in her belief, which started in 1980 (just before the bogus G-spot bonanza) when her syndicated radio show, Sexually Speaking became a go-to source for honest, open, sex “education.” Now, there’s a documentary on Hulu that chronicles the incredible life of Dr. Ruth Westheimer, from a Holocaust survivor to today, as one of America’s most famous sex therapists.

Dr. Ruth started in education and today continues her mission to help bring us out of our sexual ignorance, shame and apathy. She says that we must become much more, “ask-able” teachers, parents and partners. “Nothing is not to be asked … We have to have the courage to ask.”

In a Washington Post podcast, during self-isolation for the coronavirus she was asked: Who would you want to be quarantined with? She didn’t hesitate. “Sigmund Freud. Because he was sexually illiterate. He did women a tremendous disservice.” She added. “I’d give him a good lecture. You are brilliant. You are a scientist. I have liked many of what you said, but you also taught some nonsense. He taught nonsense about the clitoris.” Freud died in 1939 but the “nonsense” lives on. At least the clitoris exists.

The G-spot does not exist but the ignorance and fear is insidious

“You believe a total lie about your own body.” – Cosmopolitan

(photo: Daily Mail)

The Cosmopolitan study is not the first to conclude the G-spot is a ghost and Australian researchers reported in 2018 that “the most conclusive study to date has failed to provide any evidence that it anatomically exists at all.”

G-spot, clitoris, orgasms … the ignorance, disinterest, inexperience, illiteracy and general male chauvinism continues to set up women – and men – for sexual and relationship failure.

Lifetime learning

What we can learn from this long-standing G-spot mythos is that enjoying a full and natural sex life is dependent on our capacity to gain knowledge and think independently, inspired by on our own intellectual and sexual curiosity – and needs – and the sexual well-being of our partner.

This means that in order to understand, filter and not believe everything we hear, read and see, and not stay stuck in witlessness, it is critical to pursue continuous study, learning and practice, thereby, creating an enlightened and deepening sexual life. It can be a journey of immense pleasure and fulfillment.

The G-spot may not exist but a wonderful, beautiful, fascinating, sexual life can. It’s up to us!

Read more

Cosmopolitan article: The G-spot doesn’t exist (7 min read). Read more >>

Dr. Ruth Washington Post article: “I’m old-fashioned and a square (3 min read). Read more >>

Dr. Ruth podcast with Jonathan Capehart (33 min). Listen >>

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