like you think or when you think or why.
“Big” has its time and place but most of the time, with most of women, it isn’t that important. A great guy and an average penis is a fuck of a lot more important than a great penis (size) and an average guy – unless it’s a “one-nighter.”
“There are women who don’t like an 8-inch penis. For some women, bigger penises just hurt. They’d rather have sex with a 5-inch dick.” – Shamyra Howard, sexologist and author of Use Your Mouth
Research supports what Shamyra Howard points out. A study, “Women’s Preferences for Penis Size,” found that in a heterosexual relationship women prefer an “average” size penis and only showed a preference for a larger penis for “one-night” stands. In other words, if women are ‘fuckin’ around,’ big is better and the research suggests it might be for the ‘recall pleasure’ of their ‘risky behavior.’ However, women “shift their preference for penis size depending on the type and duration of the sexual relationship.” An interesting finding was that “men mistakenly reported that women would find an even longer penis ideal than the women actually did.” In longer-term relationships, women prefer comfort and ease-of-use. Another more obvious finding was that men are far more anxious about their penis size than women.
Here’s an article about one man’s misplaced anxiety, which “sexplains” a lot.
In Men’s Health, Zachary Zane’s column, “Sexplain It,” responded to a readers [sad] question: “Should I Give Up on Finding Love Because of My Small Penis?” Yikes! This article is a must-read for any guy who’s sweating anxiety about his penis size and for any woman who wants to understand how her man is hung up about how he’s hung. BTW, 90% are average size and a small percent small (See more statistics under Sex by Numbers).
No surprise … well, a little surprise
What a woman really wants is what matters and, to no woman’s surprise, there are numerous things that outrank penis size. Zane’s article covers several, including perspicacious advice from a qualified sexologist, Shamyra Howard. One cultural myth she shatters is that “Black men have the biggest in the world.” It’s important that men hear this from a woman who knows what she’s talking about – knowledge eradicates fear – and her advice to Zane’s reader should be freeing: “You’ve had these issues regarding your penis size and performance before, so you think it’s going to happen again [so] you’re likely creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.” She’s right, and research bears it out.
“Sex is more about the physical, mental, emotional, and erotic connection shared between the people involved, and this is often done without penetration,” Shamyra Howard
Confirming Shamyra’s point, less than 1/3 of women orgasm from penetration. The study, “Women’s Preference for Penis Size,” cites research that shows 68.3% of men are concerned about their penis size. Yikes, that’s 2-out-of-3 men have a hang up. That’s a ‘yellow flag’ for women – not to run away but to be aware and knowledgeable as to how such insecurities can undermine the sex, and the relationship. And do not have to. If you find a man you love, it’s better to worry more about his hang ups than how he’s hung. Read the article, the research, a couple of books, and watch a few videos (we offer three). You will learn that size really isn’t a big deal. Really.
“Your penis isn’t the only one I’ve known but it’s been the only one worth keeping.” [forgot attribution – some bright woman]
What you don’t know CAN hurt you!
For something we love so much – sex – we know so little about it, which is particularly true in the ‘size department.’ Every woman and every man in a loving relationship, or who want to be in a loving relationship, need to bone up on (pun intended) the relationship of penis size, sexual satisfaction and the critical importance of anxiety-free sex. Because what you don’t know can, and will, hurt the relationship.
The article and advice from Men’s Health is a good start. Then check out the research, “Women’s Preference for Penis Size” and the “TED Talk” on the preferred size of men’s penises and body structure. And for good measure, we have two other sources: A book review of Laura Dodsworth’s great photo-documentary book of 100 penis stories, Manhood: The Bare Reality (row/shelf #7); plus a 7 minute video in which sexpert, Laurel House discusses, from a woman’s point of view, the eternal size question.
Read “Sexplain It” article in Men’s Health >>
See two research articles and videos >>
Read Manhood: The Bare Reality (row/shelf #7) book review >>
Read Shamyra Howard’s book, Use Your Mouth (row/shelf #1) book review >>
Back to Articles >>