Unhooked – understanding the ‘hooked up’ culture and …

the sexual and romantic lives of young people

Here’s the basic premise of the book:

Hooking up offers girls the opportunity to exert their independence, explore their sexual desires and capabilities and try to keep their emotional lives under control. But some experts in the field of adolescence, even as they acknowledge the upsides, say hooking up can also act as an obstacle to real intimacy, which they call the hallmark of a satisfying adult life. They see potential for long-term dangers to young women and young men—physical, emotional and practical—if hooking up comes to define a way of being.

A Letter to Mothers and Daughters

Even if you don’t read the whole book, buy it and read a few of the stories. And at the end, “A Letter to Mothers and Daughters,” by the author is worth the price of the book.

It puts in stark relief the reality that today’s sexual activity of young people has become disconnected from the most basic commitments that used to be part of dating. And as far as more serious feelings, or love … forget about it.

This book, as Laura Stepps suggests, is the start of a conversation that is badly needed, if we are to consider the long-term damage ‘hook up’ sex might be doing to young women. As she states, “This is not a hookup culture so much as an unhooked culture. It is a way of thinking about relationships, period.” With potentially damning consequences. And we need look no further than the “Tinder-obsessed rampage” that has downgraded the value of sex from ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am” to ‘swipe, text, thank you ma’am.’

“Our society is obsessed with sex, but no one wants to talk frankly about sex.”

Real stories. Real life. Real emotions. Real truths

These young women reveal the reality of the hook up culture and it ain’t pretty. Although some readers will find the candor and language raw (if they’re stuck in their denial they shouldn’t read the book), it is enlightening and refreshing to get some insight into the truth instead of the myth.

Here’s a little reality most parents wouldn’t want to hear, but should. The author interviewed three high school girls (16 years old):

Stepp:”In my generation, I began, kids, especially guys, talked about getting to first, second, or third base with a partner or, on rare occasions, hitting a home run. What was their continuum, I asked in a low voice…”I always heard about the four F’s,” Anna volunteered, “French [kiss], feel [up]. finger, f*ck.”

“But oral sex has got to be in there somewhere,” her friend Jill said.

The three of them put their heads together, whispered and counted on their fingers.

“Got it!” Jill squealed. “For us it’s feel, finger, fellatio, f*ck! French kissing is so tame it doesn’t count anymore.”

Alica – everyone should listen to this young woman

The foreword is written by Alica and her personal story is like a ‘true crime’ story, and the crime is what she goes through.

“Adults look at the sex lives of children through a lens ground in the past. This limits their ability to capture and understand the world today.” – Alica

We have posted Alica’s story as one of our mini-stories, a quickie, even though it is non-fiction – it’s the truth running on the edge of fiction. Read Alica’s story, Gray Rape, hooked up, unhooked and sexual assault.

Buy Unhooked at the Love & Sexcess Bookstore (20% 0ff) >>

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