it might not be what you want.

(3 min)

Piloerection (noun): The human response where hairs on the skin stand up on end as a physiological response to a strong emotional feeling such as extreme fear, sadness, joy and sexual arousal.

“You cannot predict from a women’s genital response to a sex-related stimulus whether she wants or likes that sex-related stimulus.” – Emily Nagowski

You are not in charge of your sexual responses, your brain is. And the sooner you learn the how, why, when, where and what of your sexual being the sooner you can lead the “real you” to real great sex. It takes knowledge, understanding and practice, practice, practice. And this is one time the homework is fun, not too mention having a much bigger impact on your life than say … algebra homework.

If you want to understand all the marvelous sexual mysteries of your inimitable, beautiful body and learn how to pass Sex 101, then we highly recommend Emily Nagoski’s Workbook, the companion to her bestseller by the same name, Come As You Are. It’s a fabulous workbook filled with questionnaires and answers about almost everything you ever wanted to ask about sex and didn’t – from sexual pleasure and stress to sexual ecstasy and authenticity. Homework has never been so much fun, so easy and so valuable … and so sex-life changing.

If you haven’t read Come As You Are you should. It will go a long way to helping you reveal the “real you,” the authentically sexual you, and the self-respecting, self-loving, self-empowered you! And there’s a wonderful Workbook to talk and walk you through some of the most fun homework you will ever do.

Thought-provoking self-actualizing highlights like these:

“Begin a practice of lovingkindness toward your body.”

“Give your parts names that feel right to you.”

“Your task in this exercise is to find and look at diverse images of genitals.” [See our book review of Laura Dodsworth’s, Womanhood: The Bare Reality. It is 100 women’s real-life stories with 100 accompanying photos of their genitals. We also did Manhood: A Bare Realty – 100 stories from 100 penis owners]

“This exercise will help you get to know your sexual brain, both the ways it can be turned on and the ways it can be turned off.”

“A sexual temperament questionnaire” [5 questions each about sexual “inhibitors” and “exciters”]

“The context for pleasurable sex is: High trust, high affection, low stress and explicitly erotic.”

How to separate “stress” from “stressors” [An excellent exercise to write down at least a dozen of each].

“Examine three key messages you’ve absorbed about how the ‘ideal sexual woman’ looks and behaves.” [moral, medical and media messaging].`

Imagine a new mental model of the ‘ideal sexual woman’ living in a world where there is no ‘ideal’ to which you are suppose to conform.” [great exercise].

“Say the words. Practice communicating clearly about what you want, what you like and what causes genital blood flow.” [they can all be different].

“Astonishing consequences of simple mindfulness exercises.”

In her conclusion Emily reiterates the story of Kung Fu Panada (told in her book, Come As You Are], in which he looks in the mirror and declares, “There is no secret ingredient, it’s just you.”

This book holds a mirror up to your sexuality and allows “you to see it differently, to see the greatness that exists, so you can embrace it.”

Buy Workbook at Love & Sexcess Bookstore (34% off) >>

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