every dating app knows it. Get used to it!
It’s just not true that we want to meet someone “different.”
The evidence is clear: “Opposites repel.”
Deeply ingrained in our psyche and genetic make up is a need to be with someone we trust and trust is rooted in similarities, not differences. We want to be with someone we share core beliefs, values and hobbies. Even similar personalities. And physical features.
Research show that most people are not looking for someone who has qualities they lack ( i.e., introverts looking for extroverts) rather we’re attracted to those we have much in common with. The chances of meeting an interesting opposite is slim to nil. Especially with dating app algorithms racing across the social landscape hooking us up with people with similar “likes,” and in living in a sharply divided culture on social, political and cultural issues.
“A stranger who is known to have attitudes similar to those of the subject is better liked than a stranger with attitudes dissimilar to those of the subject [and] is judged to be more intelligent, better informed, more moral, and better adjusted.” – Donn Byrne
Not that being with someone different is a bad thing, in fact, it can be great in helping you grow and expand your horizons if you can handle the roller coaster ride. But most of us don’t want that. Maybe for a brief time – a one-night stand or vacation ‘fuck fest’ or a period when ya’ wanna be a ‘fuck girl’ – but generally speaking we are attracted to like-minded people.
On OkCupid, users were twice as likely to match with others who displayed the OkCupid “badge” showing support for BLM.
We’ve posted an excellent article from BBC by Jessica Klein, Why opposites don’t attract in love and sex. A 7 minute read just might save you a lot of time in your search for “someone different.”
Read more (7 min) >>
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